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Seriously?  I know the PPV posters never have anything to do with the actual card, but I liked to pretend that’s because plans change.  You know, like maybe R-Truth was supposed to be in Hell in a Cell until he got replaced with Randy Orton.  But I can’t even pretend with this.  The main event is gonna feature Brock or Batista or whatever, and they’re promoting Stephanie!

So I tell you what, WWE.  If you’re gonna advertise the show with Stephanie, then I better get Stephanie.  Show opens, there’s Stephanie in the fuck-me boots.  First match, Stephanie does guest commentary.  Backstage segment, Stephanie tells Hunter to eat a dick because she’s taking over.  World title match, Stephanie’s the referee. She wears that choker from Royal Rumble 2000 that I liked.  Backstage segment, Stephanie feeds her kids a snack because I bet her kids are cute.  Then she makes Big Show cry for no reason.

Main event, AJ vs. Natalya vs. Kaitlyn vs. Brie vs. Nikki vs. Stephanie in the Elimination Chamber for the women’s title.  Stephanie wins.  Hunter comes to the ring to congratulate her, and she kicks him in the nuts.

BOOK IT.

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